Cynics Guide to the Treebate

Right now you can get 1-5 Aussie native trees and the state government will pay you back upto $150 per person. 3 adults in the house? Get upto $450!

No way! This has to be too good to be true - It's a scam!

Not a scam, mate. 

The government just finally figured out that trees stop the neighborhood from turning into a giant frying pan. 

They throw a bit of cash your way now so that no one melts away. You get cheap shade, they get to pretend they fixed the weather. Everyone wins, mostly you.

But I don't want a monster tree in the front that will threaten my house and reduce my parking spots.

There are plenty of non-invasive, tidy trees that stay nice, play good with your brickwork, and leave plenty of room for the ute. Pick the right size and your house and parking spots stay completely safe.

Big trees get a bad rap for no good reason. They do not just go around eating houses and wrecking pipes unless you plant a total rogue in the wrong spot. Up top, you get a massive canopy, but on the ground, the trunk barely takes up more room than a couple of wheelie bins. Plus, that giant green umbrella actually does the heavy lifting. It cools your car down so you do not burn your legs on the leather, acts as a proper windbreak so your fences do not end up in the neighbour's yard, and holds the soil together so it does not wash away. Best of all, buyers love them, which means a big, healthy tree actually adds real value to your property. Bigger shade, smaller power bills, happier bank account.

But what about the water bill? Australia doesn't have water!

Classic myth, mate. Young trees do need a good drink to get on their feet, but once their roots hit the deeper soil, they basically look after themselves, especially the local natives Acacia saligna. Even better, that leafy shade canopy keeps the ground cool, stops moisture from evaporating, and saves the rest of your garden from baking dry. Think of it as a natural shade cloth—spend a tiny bit on water early on, and you save a bucketload on cooling and ground cover down the track.

I want something useful, what good is a huge tree. What about groceries and medicine?

Right, because why settle for plain old shade when your tree can double as a pantry and a pharmacy? The Treebate list is packed with plants that pay you back in snacks and brews. You can grab a Lemon Myrtle or Cinnamon Myrtle and never buy expensive tea bags again—just pick a leaf and drop it in hot water. Want actual food? Toss in a Finger Lime, a Davidson’s Plum, or a wonderful Lilly Pilly for fresh, tangy fruit right off the branch. 

And if you are feeling under the weather, native medicine powerhouses like Gumby Gumby have been used for ages to whip up restorative tonics even possible anticancer teas. 

So you get the government cash, free shade, fresh fruit, homemade tea, and a natural medicine chest in the backyard. Not bad for a tree you barely had to pay for.

I don't have space?

Again on space?! Think you need a massive quarter-acre block just to fit a tree? 

Total myth. 

A tree trunk only takes up a tiny circle of dirt—literally 10 to 40 centimetres of ground space at the base. You are giving up less ground area than a single pot plant or a pair of lawnmower wheels. The tree does all its real growing up in the sky where you do not even use the space anyway. 

You keep your whole yard, your parking spot, and your clothesline, but you gain a free umbrella floating overhead. It is the ultimate vertical life hack for a small backyard.

Why is this communist government paying for trees?

Calling it "communist" is generous, mate—if it were proper communism, they’d send you to a collective farm to plant fifty trees at gunpoint. 

The reality is much lazier: money and public investment. Concrete and asphalt absorb heat all day and bake the suburbs like an oven. That drives up power grid demands, melts roads, and ruins infrastructure. Planting trees is simply the cheapest way for councils to keep temperatures down and stop public places from cooking. Think of it less like a government handout and more like a tactical tax refund. 

They are using your own ratepayer dollars to subsidise your garden, cool your house, and cut down their own maintenance bills. You might as well take their cash and plant a tree that feeds you!

Ain't Got Time for That!!!! I'll do it later!

Classic famous last words, mate. "I will do it later" is how you miss out on free government money completely. 

Here is the cold, hard math: there are roughly 2 million adults in WA, and the government only hands out 10,000 Treebates each year. That means less than 1 in every 200 people actually gets one before the pot runs dry for the season. 

Once those 10,000 claims roll through the ServiceWA app, the tap gets turned off until next year. Snooze on it, and while you are sitting in the heat thinking about it, your neighbours are already claiming their $150 and planting out their yards for free.

On the micro level Primal Fruits gets new stock nearly daily but the demand means stuff runs out in minutes soometimes. So jump on it now.

I don't have time to look after a tree.

Mate, it is a tree, not a golden retriever. You do not have to walk it at 6 am or pick up its mess in a plastic bag. Water it a bit while it gets its boots on, chuck a handful of mulch around the bottom, and walk away. Rain and sun handle the rest while you watch footy. Have you heard of nature?

Trees make a massive mess with leaves everywhere!

Oh no, a few leaves on the grass! The horror! Autumn leaves aren't a mess, they're free mulch. Either mow over them to feed your lawn for zero dollars, or sweep them onto your garden bed so you don't have to spend thirty bucks on woodchips at the hardware store. It’s free groundcover delivered straight from the sky.

My landlord/strata won't let me plant anything in the ground.

Good news: you don't need to dig up the lawn. Stick a compact tree or a bushy native into a decent 60-litre pot on the patio. It still counts for the rebate, gives you shade, looks great, and when your lease is up, you load your tree into the back of the ute and take your government-subsidised shade factory with you to the next place.

Trees bring snakes, bugs, and birds that poop on my car.

Nature always finds a way to find balance. 

Trees invite balance. What you actually get is nature and more balance. Native birds eating all the flies, spiders, and mosquitoes that usually crash your backyard barbie. A good tree is basically natural pest control that pays for itself.

Primal Fruits Perth mission is to bring uncommon fruit, edible and medicinal trees and plants to growers of WA. Check out the treebate plants available on today's list. What plants will you select?